I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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