C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
