you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
