my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Success! We fucked roommates!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
