I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
