I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
