evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My ATM looks so different sober.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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