i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
