is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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