its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
