We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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