The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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