Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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