the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
