She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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