I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
