I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
