Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize