the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
