Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
