I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
