Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
