yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
