I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
