i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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