I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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