life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
