The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
