He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
