I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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