i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
