I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
