Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
