don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
