shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
