wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize