Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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