I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
