Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
