I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
too bad you live with your parents still
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
