just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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