Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
honey bunches of taint.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize