i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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