he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
