He disabled his match.com account in front of me
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
