I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
