Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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