like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
