Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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