For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
