so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
