Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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