Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
