i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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