Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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