So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
