so that wasnt chicken after all
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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