Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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