I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
