dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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