But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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