Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
