No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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