he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
